Dear AC,
I can't believe it has been eleven months baby boy. I miss you like crazy. I think of you Every.Single.Day! Your the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.
This summer has been really hard. I had so many plans for us. Instead of taking you to the park, zoo, swimming, etc, I've spent time just thinking of you, praying, figuring out my life without you, and trying to decide on a headstone. Choosing a headstone has been especially hard, nothing will ever be perfect because there is nothing perfect about a headstone for a baby.
I'm trying real hard to not be bitter. Bitter towards others who say or do the wrong thing. Bitter towards others who have living babies and take it for granted. I would never wish this pain on anyone, but it stings to the core to see other mothers with their baby boys. I'm trying.
Your AC bear came a couple weeks ago from Molly Bears. What a wonderful organization. It felt so wonderful to feel your weight in my arms again. One day I was having an extremely hard day and it felt good to hold your bear in my arms and let the tears flood the room. But oh how I wish I didn't have to have an AC bear to remember your weight.
I love you to a million pieces baby boy and that will never change.
Mommy
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