Dear AC,
A year ago today I went to what would be my last doctors appointment. I drove seperate from daddy because I was going to go to work afterwards. At the appointment we had a doctor that we never had before. I wasn't sure about that. I got to see you on the ultrasound. It was determined that my fluid was low (3) so I should be induced. When the doctor told us I would be induced, I had a flood of emotions. I was so ready to meet you, but felt so unprepared. We did not think this was going to be the day. We asked the doctor if we had time to go home and drop off one car and get my bag. I loaded daddy's trail blazer while daddy took a shower. After he was ready we headed to the hospital. I called Grandma and texted a couple people to let them know I was going to be induced. Grandma C was excited because it was her birthday. With so many late August and September birthdays, everyone wanted you to be born on their special day. When I got checked in and in the room, I ate lunch and then waited for the nurse. The nurse hooked up the IV (took 3 tries to get it in) and then inserted cytotec to ripen my cervix. It was a pretty low key night. Not much of anything was happening. We wanted that day/night to be the night, but it wasn't time. The day replayed in my head today and the next three days to follow.
I miss you so much baby boy. I love you forever and ever and always!
Love Mommy
Friday, August 31, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
11 months
Dear AC,
I can't believe it has been eleven months baby boy. I miss you like crazy. I think of you Every.Single.Day! Your the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.
This summer has been really hard. I had so many plans for us. Instead of taking you to the park, zoo, swimming, etc, I've spent time just thinking of you, praying, figuring out my life without you, and trying to decide on a headstone. Choosing a headstone has been especially hard, nothing will ever be perfect because there is nothing perfect about a headstone for a baby.
I'm trying real hard to not be bitter. Bitter towards others who say or do the wrong thing. Bitter towards others who have living babies and take it for granted. I would never wish this pain on anyone, but it stings to the core to see other mothers with their baby boys. I'm trying.
Your AC bear came a couple weeks ago from Molly Bears. What a wonderful organization. It felt so wonderful to feel your weight in my arms again. One day I was having an extremely hard day and it felt good to hold your bear in my arms and let the tears flood the room. But oh how I wish I didn't have to have an AC bear to remember your weight.
I love you to a million pieces baby boy and that will never change.
Mommy
I can't believe it has been eleven months baby boy. I miss you like crazy. I think of you Every.Single.Day! Your the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.
This summer has been really hard. I had so many plans for us. Instead of taking you to the park, zoo, swimming, etc, I've spent time just thinking of you, praying, figuring out my life without you, and trying to decide on a headstone. Choosing a headstone has been especially hard, nothing will ever be perfect because there is nothing perfect about a headstone for a baby.
I'm trying real hard to not be bitter. Bitter towards others who say or do the wrong thing. Bitter towards others who have living babies and take it for granted. I would never wish this pain on anyone, but it stings to the core to see other mothers with their baby boys. I'm trying.
Your AC bear came a couple weeks ago from Molly Bears. What a wonderful organization. It felt so wonderful to feel your weight in my arms again. One day I was having an extremely hard day and it felt good to hold your bear in my arms and let the tears flood the room. But oh how I wish I didn't have to have an AC bear to remember your weight.
I love you to a million pieces baby boy and that will never change.
Mommy
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